Wow…just wow

Someone put a lot of effort into this little fantasy life he’s composed for himself!  Obviously, there are people out there who do live  this life, but the second I saw the line, ‘This recession means nothing to me,” I realized we were participating in opposite day.  In other words, he’s unemployed, miserably married with bratty, ugly children, and can’t get his wife, let alone a stranger, to sleep with him.  This is what he spends his lonely days dreaming about.

Confessions of a Married Man

I’m marred. I cheat. I lie. I have a wife. 3 kids. A home in an affluent suburb with a pool. I am in my mid 30’s This recession means nothing to me.

I will admit, that I am insanely attractive. Great with words, and convincing beyond belief. I get away with shit that others just can’t. It’s true.

I meet women on dating boards. Or on the train. We flirt. And I lie. I say that I am single. Not married. In certain cases. No children. And, that I’ve just moved back into the area. Depending on the woman, I’ll divulge whether or not I have kids. If she’s younger (in her 20’s. Between the ages of 21 and 28…I have no kids). Older. I have AT LEAST one kid. It’s important that the woman know that I have obligations (kids). It also means that they can’t come to my “home” because I have a sitter there and it wouldn’t be cool to have women in front of my babies. The younger one’s just want a good date. I’ve slept with 95 % of the women I’ve met on the first 2 dates. By the time we get to the whole “when am I going to your place” conversation. I’ve left enough semen in them to populate Keenyville, Illinois. And when they press too much. I leave. I just don’t answer my phone or e-mails. Gone.

Them “Was it something I did wrong?”

Me: “No, you sweet little Big 10 graduate – now HR/ PR/ Legal professional. You did nothing wrong. You see. I’m ain’t shit. Plus, you can’t see where I live because my wife and children live there. Where will you sleep?”

Is what I want to say.

At home. Life is good. My wife puts out. She’s smoking hot. Not working right now, but it’s o.k. She’s happy finding projects and shit for me to do over the weekends. Including finding contractors for a room addition. My children are gorgeous, and will manipulate people all of their lives. If your children are ugly, and you know if you’re child is ugly….I hope they get good grades. It’s a cold world out there, and the pretty people wear minks. My kids are the shit.

Anyway, I can get out on the weekends when I want, but I don’t. Women stick with me because I am not accessible as some of your mopes who whine and cling to your women like stinky panty liners. You bitches. I give them room. Because I have to. But to them it also means that I am independent. I usually lose the majority of my women because they get tired of me not being around.

I’m only romantic when I’m with them. So hardly any text, IM’s or phone calls. I’m clear about that from the beginning.

Fellas. You can have your cake and eat it too. Don’t let these bitter chicks have you think that there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a man. Men like to fuck. And we will fuck. I’ve changed the rules a bit. But, I’m dedicated to my family. That’s it. Everything else is a bonus.

Occasionally, I fuck younger chicks in my office. They know my scene, and like the “suburban” daddy look. I fuck mainly younger women who live downtown, or in LP. I’ve even had my face posted on dating sites just to avoid any suspicious inquiries. After all, “what married guy would put his entire profile on a dating site for the world to see…?”. Me. That’s who. Only in spurts however. And only when I am specifically targeting a type of woman.

I also seek chicks who live in farther locations like Antioch, Oswego, Plainfield, Milwaukee, Carpentersville, Aurora. These are fucking sessions that will most certainly happen. And there are some smoking hot young MILF’s out in the sticks. Some of the chicks I’ve boned should be modeling. Or at least fucking an NFL star. The deal here is that they don’t want to come to the city, and would prefer that you hang around them and their people until we all get drunk. I fuck these women within hours of meeting100 % of the time. Their kids are always with dad. So I can stay the whole night. Well into the next evening. And I fuck them over and over and over again. After all, “what married guy can stay out the whole night?” Me. That’s who. Especially if wifey is enjoying a girls night out and the kids are at the grandparents. You might be thinking….”she’s fucking someone else. Serves him right”

My answer to that simple minded though process is : So! She’s smart and respectful enough to keep it away from me. We still fuck like rabbits, and are kids smell great.

I fucked an 18 year old who was taking the Metra with me a few weeks ago. Our first date was at Great America. We stayed out there. Fucked an entire night. We’re doing it again in two weeks. Maybe we’ll see you there. Here’s what we look like.

She: 18. Perfect body. Perfect teeth. Pretty feet.
Me: A fucking Adonis.

Say hi when you see us, o.k.?

Anyway, I only go out when my wife goes out. Or, if I drop the kids off at my parents so she (the wifey) can have a breather. She’s my top priority. If she wants to hang…we will. If not. I’m going to get irresponsible with my dick.

Unless, you know for a fact that you are going to get caught, I’d lie my ass off. You’re all ready cheating. There is no additional honor in being honest about your marital status. I cheat. I lie. I fuck. I’m happy. I’ve done it for 6 years. You’d better come get some.

***PS…Laides…..if you are getting pissed about what you’ve read, don’t be. Just do your homework. I get away with shit because you think like men. You think with your tingle spot. If you weren’t absorbed with my looks, and a perception that I’ve catered to fit your needs, I wouldn’t have half the success I enjoy. But I wink at you. Tell you what you want to hear, because you aren’t listening to what your instincts are telling you. Yes. I am that good, but I’m no Whoodini. I just play one on t.v. And my dick is magical. I put the “penis” in “happiness”.

But you won’t head my words. And there is a good chance that I’ll be fucking you, and leaving you hanging as I’ve done to countless women all over the Midwest for years.

Want to share thoughts? Fine. If you’re hot and want me to fuck you into mindless babble….”shee-mah-nah….shee-mah-nah…..hexi-groove….jopple….deer…” I can do that too.

Too the ladies I’ve shat on……I’m sure you’re over it by now.


3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Marie said,

    I guess we all can’t be “Whoodini”

  2. 2

    Becci said,

    Haha RIGHT, like any of this actually happened. What a dork.

  3. 3

    cmg said,

    If he was ‘Money’ like he claims he
    a) wouldn’t talk about it
    b) would have a live-in who’d watch the damn kids
    c) know how to spell, and edit.

    Just keep walking and talking, you trashy fool.

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