I have a habit of reading Craigslist ads before I go out on a Saturday night and then when I come home for the night. I do this because it’s always so amusing to watch the posts go from “I want a 6’2.5″ tall Asian woman with blue eyes and a third nipple to peg me with a strap on,” and “I am a sex god, so only Angelina Jolie look-alikes need apply” to “Please? Anybody? I’ll do anything that moves!”
But this stalwart gentleman knows what he wants, and far be it from him to follow the pattern of desperation to which his compatriots have succumbed:
Looking for a close match of this…
Hi – can you come close to meeting one of my fantasy girls?
Me: Cacasian, average looks (bald), little extra weight (6’1″/230), non-smoker, drug and disease free.
You: real and serious (I know not many on here can comply with those requirements).
Besides atrocious spelling and grammar, nothing really stands out about this heavy-set bald man posting on Craigslist on a Saturday night. Until you scroll down to find the pictures he has attached representing the “close match” he is hoping to find.
I wonder if he realizes that, by sitting at his computer, he is already as close as he will ever come to girls that look like that. If he had posted pictures of actresses or pornstars, that would have been one thing. But it’s almost sad to think of this self-confessed pud of a man sitting there waiting for responses from anatomically impossible women who only exist in the fantasies of horny Japanese cartoonists. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.
EDIT: I am following through on a suggestion to include my response to someone who felt my assessment of this man’s physical features was a bit harsh:
Well first off, I’m more interested in how this man presented himself than how I would perceive him. I have a partner who could, if he chose to, probably describe himself in the same way this man did. But why would he? I’m not saying that he should have lied about himself, but it almost seemed as if he felt that he shouldn’t even have to put in the effort of making himself sound good. Real-life versions of anime women should just be falling out of the sky and directly on to his penis without him even having to think up a more flattering way to describe his body type.
Secondly, while I sympathize with men who feel they are rejected for their weight, it’s hard to feel too bad when we live in a society where a man can put on a few pounds and still be socially acceptable, but where people lose their collective minds about how fat Jessica Simpson looks in these pictures.
ProDeviant said,
June 21, 2009 @ 11:33 pm
he can get closer, just look-
http://www.boingboing.net/2005/11/10/real-doll-sex-toy-ma.html
and he still wouldn’t need to leave the house (they can ship it directly to him)
virus73 said,
June 22, 2009 @ 5:10 pm
You know, most girls I meet say they have nothing against bigger men, but then I see so many women shining men who are bigger in a negative light. I guess this means i need to get down to 185 doesn’t it?
willnotgetyoulaid said,
June 22, 2009 @ 5:48 pm
Well first off, I’m more interested in how this man presented himself than how I would perceive him. I have a partner who could, if he chose to, probably describe himself in the same way this man did. But why would he? I’m not saying that he should have lied about himself, but it almost seemed as if he felt that he shouldn’t even have to put in the effort of making himself sound good. Real-life versions of anime women should just be falling out of the sky and directly on to his penis without him even having to think up a more flattering way to describe his body type.
Secondly, while I sympathize with men who feel they are rejected for their weight, it’s hard to feel too bad when we live in a society where a man can put on a few pounds and still be socially acceptable, but where people lose their collective minds about how fat Jessica Simpson looks in these pictures.
gromm said,
June 22, 2009 @ 6:39 pm
This reply should be part of your main article, really.
Becci said,
July 19, 2009 @ 9:35 am
Great response.
gromm said,
June 22, 2009 @ 6:46 pm
Speaking of getting realistic, I have to wonder where guys get their expectations of what Craigslist will get them. It seems that there’s something keeping the hope alive that someday, some girl like yourself will respond to your ad for hot, NSA sex.
Except it never really seems to happen. In part, you explain that this probably has to do with the astronomically large number of men posting and the microscopically small number of women who would even dare to venture into the site.
I suspect part of the mystique of Craigslist comes from gay men however, who can hook up with each other quite easily on CL. But that’s because gay men can hook up with each other quite easily. CL just facilitates that.
tagtaghatesdrama said,
June 24, 2009 @ 8:54 am
I totally agree with what you said about how he described himself, and the whole weight issue, in general.