I have a habit of reading Craigslist ads before I go out on a Saturday night and then when I come home for the night. I do this because it’s always so amusing to watch the posts go from “I want a 6’2.5″ tall Asian woman with blue eyes and a third nipple to peg me with a strap on,” and “I am a sex god, so only Angelina Jolie look-alikes need apply” to “Please? Anybody? I’ll do anything that moves!”
But this stalwart gentleman knows what he wants, and far be it from him to follow the pattern of desperation to which his compatriots have succumbed:
Looking for a close match of this…
Hi – can you come close to meeting one of my fantasy girls?
Me: Cacasian, average looks (bald), little extra weight (6’1″/230), non-smoker, drug and disease free.
You: real and serious (I know not many on here can comply with those requirements).
Besides atrocious spelling and grammar, nothing really stands out about this heavy-set bald man posting on Craigslist on a Saturday night. Until you scroll down to find the pictures he has attached representing the “close match” he is hoping to find.
I wonder if he realizes that, by sitting at his computer, he is already as close as he will ever come to girls that look like that. If he had posted pictures of actresses or pornstars, that would have been one thing. But it’s almost sad to think of this self-confessed pud of a man sitting there waiting for responses from anatomically impossible women who only exist in the fantasies of horny Japanese cartoonists. I almost feel bad for him. Almost.
EDIT: I am following through on a suggestion to include my response to someone who felt my assessment of this man’s physical features was a bit harsh:
Well first off, I’m more interested in how this man presented himself than how I would perceive him. I have a partner who could, if he chose to, probably describe himself in the same way this man did. But why would he? I’m not saying that he should have lied about himself, but it almost seemed as if he felt that he shouldn’t even have to put in the effort of making himself sound good. Real-life versions of anime women should just be falling out of the sky and directly on to his penis without him even having to think up a more flattering way to describe his body type.
Secondly, while I sympathize with men who feel they are rejected for their weight, it’s hard to feel too bad when we live in a society where a man can put on a few pounds and still be socially acceptable, but where people lose their collective minds about how fat Jessica Simpson looks in these pictures.